So other people are a reflection of me. When I am around other people I feel like I disappear and they are all there is. Why?
What you see when you look at them is you. What they make you feel is you, and what you like about them or don’t like is you. So what does that say about how you feel about you, that you feel invisible or non-exsistant when they are there? That they are more important than you, that they matter and you don’t. You see? This is another reason why you don’t like being around people, because you are face to face with your belief that you are invisible. You feel it every time you are reflected back to you. You feel it every time you look into the mirror that is them. You feel it every time you see them looking at you. You feel you are nothing, not here, not visible. Do you see why this is painful?
Accept the way you feel. Accept being invisible. Then ask yourself, why are you the one saying no? If you are invisible, why do they always come to you? If you are unworthy, unlikable, boring or uninteresting, why do they seek you out? If you were invisible, could you even see your reflection?
Again, this reflection is not reflecting what you are, only what you believe yourself to be. Your pain is reflected back to you but because you take this non-being as a truth and are so used to it, you don’t see the pain, you only see the nothing-ness that you believe is you. You disappear and you think all the things you see is this other person, good or bad. You feel empty when being with most people because it feels like you are no longer there, you only see them. The only time you feel yourself BEING is when you are alone or with one of the few you KNOW sees you. When you are alone you are aware that you are the only being there so the awareness of being must come from you. When you are with someone who sees you you feel safe and you see a bit of your reflection through their validation that you are indeed real. When you are around most people, particularly when being in a group, there is not even the constant focus of another persons eyes on you, and so you think again that you are invisible. You don’t even think you are invisible in this setting, you actually think you are not BEING anymore, as if you ARE no longer. You think that the fact that you cannot see your reflection means you are no longer there, as in no longer a BEING.
You cannot not be. You can never not exists. You are eternal, you are the I AM. The non-reflection is an illusion brought forth by your feelings of unworthiness. Change the label and you will change the reflection. You cannot ever not be. You are IT. You simply ARE.