Me: I feel so sad. It is painful. I can’t find happiness. I think it is because I see so much of me as wrong. Fat body is wrong, I am doing the channeling wrong, not feeling what I should be feeling, not making money, not being confident like I should… not helping my family, not wanting to help them, not being around people as much as I should, not liking the same things as my friends, as I should.. I feel like all of me is just wrong, I am not like I should be! I don’t know how to be right!
Dear child, this is what you came for. To be the outsider and the one paving the way for living “wrong”. You came to be a power of difference, to be a strong gateway to others. You are a leading star in your refusal to be like the masses. You just are not able to be like society wants you to be. You simply are not able to blend in. Trying to be other than what you are is making you miserable. You are trying to change to fit in with what you see others are, constantly trying to adapt to the role you take on at any time, depending on what you think is expected of you. You make yourself sick with worry that you are not doing it right, not being right, not feeling like you should feel, not being good enough.
But can’t you see, this is what you came here for? To live in the beginning and be strongly adapted into being someone you are not, someone the society wants you to be – to be forced by your own feeling of unworthiness to adapt to the outer conditions, and then find your own power and break through the imagined barriers? This is why you came, strong and powerful, and chose a body and mind that was fearful and thinking it is useless and weak. You wanted the contrast and the challenge of breaking out.
You are breaking out and it is extremely frightening. You are being bombarded with signs you take to mean you are wrong. These signs are all from within. You still cling to the old ways of being right. You still cling to your safety-net of being as others wants you to be. But you can never be like they want you to be, you are too strong. You are too large. You are your own power and you will either bend or break under these winds of change. Until you find a way to accept your role as way-shower, as a leading star, as a leader, as one of the first to live in this new way, unapologetically and without restraint or worry for what the masses think… you will be in pain. The only way out of your pain and your limitations is to give up being one of the masses. Until you can accept that you go your own way, as one of the few, as one of the first, you will be unhappy. This desire and need is strong, so the pain is strong. You cannot adapt to others demands and perspectives and wants and needs, and be happy. You cannot be who they want you to be and at the same time be you. You have to choose. The only way to be happy is to break free, not give a shit, and be you. Completely, and without looking back, looking for their approval or looking for them to see the truth in your path. As being on the front-lines it will take years before they can see your path as being acceptable. There simply is no way you can make them approve of your choices. So you must drop that and just be for the joy of being. Let go of this imagined responsibility for anyone else than you. Let go of trying to make it easy for them, being around you, let go of trying to be gentle, of trying to fit in. You can not and will not, ever, fit in.
You are not wrong, you are a leading edge Live’er. You will never be supported by the masses, this is just a cross to bear for those of you on the leading edge. The more you look for support from the masses, look for approval, the more wrong you will feel and the more proof you will find in your outer reality that you are indeed wrong. So let it go. You are simply one of the first to live in this way. You will always be one of the first. This is what you choose for this life. So stop comparing – because you will never be like them, any of them. You will never fit in, you will never be normal, you will always be different. As soon as the masses adapt to this way you now live, you will be off to the next front-line, the next barrier. You are tearing down walls because that is what your power can do. This is your role. Trying to be accepted for who you are futile. You do not need acceptance. You have enough inner power and strength to stand alone, although you never will as there is always others on this front-line, standing with you. But you will always be the minority.
For you to be able to accept yourself as you are now, and will continue to be, you have to let go of the societal demands of who you should be. You need to let it go completely. There is no point in striving to fill a role you deem as too limited, a role you don’t even want. There is no point in striving to be small or equal when you know you are all large and unique. Let it go, give up on all expectations and demands. If you can live from the moment, expecting only to be an expression of you, the you that you are at that exact moment, and a you that is constantly changing, then you will find peace and joy.
Let it go my dear, for your own sanity and happiness. You will have to walk this path either way, and the journey will be so much easier and filled with joy if you can let go of all the demands you place on yourself.
Me: How?? I don’t know how to do this!
Just let go. In every moment when you feel you should be different say to yourself “This is what I am right now. I am divine. I am divine”. You of all people should feel the release in that. When people live in fear, in the darkness, it is no good to adapt to their demands and expectations, this can only lead to suffering. You need to step out of that role and accept your role of being one of the first to live according to the light. You need to let go of trying to go the way they all go. You need to let go of trying to be like them. Different is what you want, deep inside. Let go of trying to be like them, for you could never be like them. Accept that you are different, you are changing, and you are powerful beyond measures. Accept all parts of you, and simply move on. Step into the new you, the you that does not wait for approval or try to fit in. Just be different, and find your strength within. Give up trying to change into one of them. You are never wrong, not in any way or part. Allow yourself the freedom to be different. Allow yourself to be you. Just give up. Give it all up, and accept that you are what you are, as you are, at this moment.. Just give it all up. Let go, and you will find peace.